I would like to share part of a Dharma talk by Sensei Wendy Egyoku Nakao of the Los Angeles Zen Center that I found very apropos for me at this time in my spiritual journey and recovery. Being addicted to my selfish and self-centered desires I believe is to root of all my suffering. If I can take just one small step to let go of one or two of these selfish desires today, I will have done well.

Someone mentioned that a Zen Center is a rehabilitation place for egoholics. In Los Angeles, we can find a twelve-step anonymous recovery program for just about every human condition. Many Zen practitioners here are or have been in twelve-step programs. Are we not all addicted to ourself? Even our work for others is often colored with self-interest. What can we do about this seemingly hopeless situation?

We can do zazen. In the zazen posture, our folded legs are rendered useless — we cannot run around anymore. Our hands are stilled — we cannot grasp for the remote control. Our back is straight and our heart is open to the sky — we cannot comfortably hunch back into ourself. Our mouth is shut — we can no longer speak. Our eyes are lowered — we can no longer check out what’s going on. And sooner or later, the revolutions of the mind come to a halt and our self-centered preoccupations diminish.

For the self-addicted person, this can seem tortuous. The ego insists that we are wasting our time. “What are you doing?” it screams. “You have better things to do.” Or it takes a more subtle tack, cooing: “That was a good sitting. You are becoming so centered.” The ego does not like zazen. Why not? Because in zazen, self-centered human concerns are put out of business!

Dogen Zenji says, “Imprint the Buddha seal, not the human seal, on your body and mind.” Please do not think that the Buddha seal is some otherworldly condition that you will achieve later on. Or a particular state of perfection based on your own standards. Whatever your ideas, opinions, thoughts, feelings about it, put them all out of business.

Zazen is not dependent on how you are feeling, the weather, the stock exchange, your age, or how busy you are. The Buddha seal is not subject to these conditions. It is anonymous in the true sense of the word — completely lacking in self-identification.

Let's all go out of business this year! And in doing so, may the Buddhadharma flourish.

Here's the link to the full talk: Zen Center of Los Angeles - Water Wheel, Jan/Feb 2001